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2025 Goals Journal

The Post That Almost Wasn’t (w24)

I have been a black hole of nothingness today. Just struggling through some emotions I can’t quite express.

I’ve tried explaining my current state of mind to The Husband, but he doesn’t understand. And how could he? I’m the one experiencing the emotions, and I barely get it.

In an attempt to distract myself, I watched one of my training videos from a weightlifting coach I’m working with online. He has this great exercise called “Evil Inner Workout Partner,” where you are supposed to give your inner voice a name and write out what they say to you conversationally that’s holding you back from your goals.

It’s funny because I tend to do this naturally. I used to refer to my “inner mean girl” all the time to highlight the shitty thoughts that held me back from my weight loss goals back in the day.

Well, that inner mean girl still exists inside my head, although her voice has changed over the years. Now, she mostly tells me that I’m not doing enough. Which is ridiculous, and I know that, but she’s still in there whispering.

Today, however, for whatever reason, her voice was so loud I couldn’t drown her out. Anytime I felt a sense of happiness or accomplishment, she was there to remind me of all the things I could have done better. She tells me everything I should be worrying about instead of allowing me to enjoy the things that are.

It’s like she has this uncanny ability to see only the negative, never the positives. And God forbid, if someone does something, anything, they are doing it TO me, not just doing it. I internalize it. I absorb it like it’s personal, even when I know it’s not.

I don’t think it helps that I’m a teacher and a mom because my days are filled with constant interactions where I need to be the leader. The problem solver. The motivator. I’m always in a position of mothering, and my energy for it is depleted. I mean, it’s nearly gone. I’m simply losing the desire to help people who don’t help themselves, and that’s causing this deep internal struggle because isn’t that my job as a mom and a teacher? Who am I if not the person who handles things? All the things?

Okay, well, now I’m a blubbery mess, but you know what, I feel better just getting that all out of my head.

I titled this “The Post That Almost Wasn’t” because I was so deep in my black hole I almost forgot it was Blog Post Wednesday! But I’m glad I remembered because this helped a lot. Sometimes, you need a good old-fashioned brain dump.

So here’s my weekly goal check in. No time nor desire to post any images this week. I’m truly wycwyc’ing it here.

2025 Goal Check In

  1. Blog Weekly.
    • so far… ✔️
  2. Paint More. Don’t overthink it.
    • so far…✔️ (meh… haven’t been fitting it in)
  3. Make a new handmade pasta monthly.
    • Jan ✔️ ✔️
    • Feb ✔️ ✔️
    • March ❌
    • April ✔️✔️
    • May ✔️
    • June (planning to make some for Fancy Friday this week!)
  4. Hike at least twice a month.
    • Jan ✔️✔️
    • Feb ✔️✔️
    • March ✔️ ✔️
    • April ✔️✔️
    • May ✔️✔️✔️
    • June ✔️ ✔️
  5. Perform one unassisted dip.
    • Training!
  6. Perform five strict pull-ups.
    • Training
  7. Handstand walk.
    • Training!
  8. Take at least three yoga classes a month.
    • Jan ✔️✔️✔️
    • Feb ✔️✔️✔️
    • March ✔️✔️✔️
    • April ✔️✔️ ❌
    • May ✔️✔️✔️
    • June ✔️
  9. Make homemade sourdough bread.
  10. Take the kids to Iceland.
    • Planning is starting to pick up!
  11. Fix the holes in my house (long story, lots of plumbing issues this year).
    • Two holes down, two to go!
  12. Continue my Spanish Streak on Duolingo (I’m on day 1,231!!).
    • so far…✔️ day 1398 (once I do it tonight)
  13. Take a Spanish class in person.
    • Struggling.
  14. Plan something special for The Husband’s 50th birthday!
    • Research is underway.
  15. Snatch 125lbs.
    • Training!
  16. Compete in at least one weightlifting meet.
  17. Walk a minimum of half a mile daily with Marsh and, preferably, with the Husband, but I can’t base my goal on him.
    • 151/159 days so far this year.
  18. Track my movie-watching on Letterboxd.
  19. Keep my citrus trees alive! (I have a lemon and a lime tree I named Laverne and Shirley. Laverne is not doing too well after a disastrous root rot issue this fall, but we are doing our best.)
    • so far…✔️ They are outside! Thriving!!
  20. Host an extended family dinner monthly.
    • Jan ✔️
    • Feb ✔️
    • March ✔️
    • April ✔️
    • May ✔️
    • June ✔️
  21. Clean out and organize my closet and drawers.
  22. Thrift more and purchase no brand-new clothes.
    • so far…✔️
  23. Take daily supplements more consistently.
    • so far…✔️ (Killing it!)
  24. Reduce alcohol consumption to once or twice a month.
    • Jan ❌ 1/18, 1/23, 1/31 (close!)
    • Feb 2/1, 2/15 ✔️
    • March 3/22 ✔️
    • April 4/25, 4/26 ✔️
    • May 5/3, 5/10
    • June 6/7
  25. Cook one new recipe/dish a month.

4 replies on “The Post That Almost Wasn’t (w24)”

I’ve come to realize when I feel this way as a mother of 2 grown boys, full time worker managing an office, wife, daughter caring for aging parents, volunteer at my church (my list goes on and on as does yours) that MY care is missing from the list. It is the first thing I cancel and the last to add back when there is breathing room.
Truly today, my to do list is 3 legal pads pages long. But I need to take a moment, read my daily meditation, and send encouragement where I can.
WYCWYC indeed. But I have to come first.
Pick up that paint brush. Take a 30 min walk in a new place. Take some time for you. I’ll do the same.
Thank you for taking the time to post. It is always helpful to know I’m not alone in these feelings of overwhelm.
May your day be a blessing to yourself.

OMG I appreciate your comment SO much. You are absolutely correct. Yesterday was all about everyone amd everything but me. I cleaned, went to work, came home, cooked, took care of a sick dog, ran errand, etc… I carved absolutely no time out for myself.

I will definitely be more aware moving forward to consider that when I feel this way! Thank you!!

By Post Author

Thank you for sharing your struggle. It resonates with a lot of people. Luckily, Mean Girl will probably get bored and move on soon, at least temporarily, when she sees you continue to perserve and be awesome despite her. You have systems in place to get done what you want to get done and get to where you want to go. Carry on. You are an inspiration. Much love to you.

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