I’m going to be obnoxious and quote myself from last week’s post because I did exactly what I said I was going to do:
Well, if you noticed, I didn’t talk about any of my creative goals because I did absolutely nothing this week. No painting. No guitar practice. I didn’t even cook much as we survived on leftovers from the weekend. Next week I am going to make an effort to do one creative thing a day. I need the outlet.
Well, I made the effort. I succeeded. And I am friggin’ proud of myself!
After work, I pulled out the paints every day and just dabbled. Here’s the week’s collection…
This little week-long commitment taught me so much.
1. Prioritizing Myself
There is no doubt I am a people pleaser. I could get all into why I think this–oldest daughter, childhood trauma, yada yada yada, but I don’t think that matters. The point is, I will manage everyone and everything around me before I tend to myself. It’s just what I do.
For example: “I can’t relax if the house is messy.” I say this ALL the time. So instead of doing what I want, I spend my time tending to things for other people, like tidying the living room or doing the dishes.
This week, I let it go. Three other able-bodied humans live in this house, and they’re all doing what they want to do, not what needs to be done, so I simply joined them.
Instead of cleaning up the kitchen after dinner, I grabbed the paints, plopped down, and just didn’t worry about it.
Guess what… the world didn’t end. And in an interesting turn of events, I watched The Husband just handle it a few hours later.
2. More Patience
Because I wasn’t spending ALL my time doing things for other people, I did feel more regulated. It wasn’t earth-shattering or anything, but there was definitely a marked increase in my ability to manage the insane daily student interaction. I had a little more patience for sure.
For example, a student reached out who literally didn’t submit any work all semester (it’s midterm) and wanted to know my availability to help with their assignments.
Normally, this would have sent me off the deep end, but I calmly explained their situation, made some recommendations, and moved on with my day.
I mean, I know that’s how I’m supposed to react, but honestly, that shit would normally ruin my day. Like, I would take it really personally for some reason. Internalize it. I’d even feel guilty that I wasn’t helping them.
This week, those types of interactions felt more matter-of-fact and less devastating.
3. Increased Creativity
Each day this week, I could literally feel myself getting more creative. It’s a hard feeling to explain, but there was a slow, steady confidence building.
I found myself daydreaming in the car about things I could paint. I was more willing to commit to something on paper where normally I’m wishy-washy about it. I even took the “mistakes” I made in the painting with a grain of salt. Some of those mistakes got turned into something new, and some just stayed on the page because I realized the imperfections are kind of the point.
In a world where I could easily ask AI to make a “perfect” image, what makes what I’m doing even matter?
The imperfections.
They are mine. They are proof of my humanness. I see my growth and progress in real time, and I was oddly comforted by that.
I cannot stress enough how much making a small commitment like painting every day for a week has positively impacted me. I truly believe creativity begets creativity. And I think this applies to confidence and commitment as well.
I remember making promises to myself in my younger years and breaking them all the time. Now, when I tell myself I’m going to do something, I do it. Because if I can’t rely on myself, who can I rely on?
Looking Ahead
Not going to make any commitments this week! I need a let’s-see-where-the-week-takes-me week.
Frankly, I don’t want to think about it right now, and I’m okay with that. I need to just exist for a bit.