50 Thoughts as I Turn 50 (y2w30)

This may be a little overzealous or even cliché, but I’m going for it. My 50th birthday is on Friday, and before I head out of town to celebrate, I just wanted to write because, well, I’m a writer, and that, right there, is where I am going to start these random thoughts that have been swimming in my head.

1. It’s Time I Own My Shit

I struggle so much with labeling myself.

Instead of saying I’m an artist, I say, “I dabble with watercolor.” Or worse, “I just paint for fun.”

Instead of saying I’m a writer, I say, “I blog. I don’t write,” as if blogging somehow isn’t writing.

I’ve spent a lot of time trying to figure out why I struggle so much with labeling myself, and I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s twofold:

1. I am afraid to take up space.
2. I want to shield myself from judgment.

Then I realized… I don’t have to be good. Who defines “good,” anyway? Who’s judging?

I write. Therefore, I am a writer.

I paint. Therefore, I am an artist.

I am also an athlete, a cook, a baker, and a professor.

End of story.

2. I’m Just Getting Started

In the same vein as #1, I’m just getting started.

Something magical has happened to me at this stage of life. I’m finally choosing myself. Not in a selfish way, but in a caring way.

I’ve spent the first half of my life (wishful thinking at my age, I know) doubting myself, seeking validation, and putting everyone else’s needs ahead of my own.

Now, most of my energy goes into my own pursuits, both professionally and personally. I know I have a lot to offer at work, and I’m no longer shy about advocating for myself and sharing my ideas. When I’m not working, I’m diving headfirst into things I’ve always wanted to learn but never had the confidence or time to explore.

3. I’m Tired

Not that kind of tired.

I’m tired of the bullshit I tell myself.

I’m tired of the bullshit I see around me.

4. Curiosity Trumps Judgment

I’ve come to the conclusion that approaching most things with curiosity makes me a happier person.

When I see something or someone and my first reaction is judgment, I pause. I’m training myself to replace judgment with curiosity.

An easy example of this is when I’m driving. Someone cuts me off and I get mad… then I pause… maybe they are a new driver? Maybe they are rushing because they are late for work? Maybe they simply didn’t see me?

I’m not perfect at it yet, but even my attempts at changing my thought process make me a much happier person.

5. There’s Nothing Wrong with Being Old

Of course I’m going to say this because I am old, but seriously… when did “old” become a dirty word?

My kids love to tease me about my age and my gray hair, and I let them. It’s part of our banter. But, I always end it the same way:

Old is better than dead.

Why does it seem like our culture allows young people to write the narrative about aging when we’re the ones experiencing it?

Getting older is not a failure.

I’m old. I’m proud. And I’m excited I’ve made it to this stage of life.

Why wouldn’t I be?

Not everyone gets to turn 50!

6. We Are Failing, Not Them

Since I’m on the subject of young and old, I just want to say this because as a parent and an educator, it’s been bugging me:

We can’t blame younger people for not knowing things we never taught them.

We love to laugh at Gen Z for not being able to read cursive or tell time on an analog clock. But who was supposed to teach them?

We were.

So maybe we’re the ones failing, not them.

7. Warm Bread, Always

Changing gears, I just want to say this:

I will NOT be waiting two hours to cut into a fresh loaf of bread I baked.

It’s my bread, and I can do whatever I want with it. And what I want is warm bread with melted butter.

8. Friends Not Pets

I may be all about warm bread, but I’m out on pets.

Listen, I adore my geriatric cat, who has completely forgotten how to use a litter box (she’s nearly 20!), and my little companion dog, who is never not by my side. But the more I think about the idea of keeping pets, the less it feels right for me.

I don’t think I’ll have another pet after these two.

Instead, I want to befriend the squirrels in my backyard. I want to feed the birds and get to know the local murder of crows that visits my yard.

Even just the thought of those things makes me happy.

If a stray dog or cat decides to adopt me someday, I’m all in. But I don’t think I’ll intentionally bring another animal into my life again.

9. Say the Thing!

I’ll be honest, saying what I think about pets was kind of hard because I know how people feel about their pets! But I’m not filtering myself or my thoughts any longer, especially when I’m not hurting anyone or being mean.

And this applies to good things too.

Over the last few years, I’ve made an effort to say the kind things that pop into my head to other people. If someone in public has a cool jacket, I’ll tell them. If someone drops something out of their bag, I’ll let them know.

Those tiny interactions make my day.

10. Personal Cards, Always

Since I AM A PAINTER, I decided I will no longer buy greeting cards. Instead, I paint them.

I started this tradition a year ago, and I absolutely love it. The other day, I painted this for my cousin’s wedding.

Is it perfect? No.

Do I love it? YES.

I used their wedding colors, personalized it for them, and created something only I could.

I hesitated before painting it. I hesitated before writing the message inside. But, just like #9, I decided to say the things.

11. Bite off More Than You Can Chew

Listen, I’m only 10 thoughts into 50, and now I’m wondering if I bit off more than I can chew.

Maybe I did.

But I am committed, and I will see this through.

12. Commitment and Consistency

Inspired by #11 above, these two things are my “secret sauce” to a happier life.

When I commit to something, I do my best to see it through. And I do that by choosing consistency.

But consistency does not mean perfection.

If I commit to something, like learning guitar, I need to consistently practice. Do I want to practice every day, yes! But that’s not always realistic.

Consistency is flexible.

It’s getting back to practicing after a stressful week because I committed to myself that I would keep going. It’s picking a pattern I can stick with, like… don’t let two days go by without picking up the guitar.

In my mind, commitment and consistency hold hands. They are two sides of the same coin that keep me moving toward my goals.

13. Small Goals Matter

Speaking of goals, when I look back at the times I didn’t reach a goal, it’s usually because I was focusing on the macro instead of the micro.

This may seem like a contradiction to #11 above, but hear me out.

I am all about biting off more than I can chew, now, at 50 because I have learned how to break those big goals into smaller ones.

But, there is a lot of value in starting small.

Take this post. Sitting down and writing all 50 thoughts in one sitting is unrealistic for me. Instead, I started with the first few when I had the idea. Then I stopped and made dinner. Then I came back and wrote a few more. Then I went to bed.

Now it’s the next day, and I’m adding more.

Will I finish this entire post today? Probably not.

But I am committed.

I will consistently add to it when I can, with the goal of finishing before I leave for vacation.

This pattern of small goals has helped me achieve bigger ones because every small win proves that I can do hard things.

Small achievements build confidence. <–That probably should have been the thought in the first place.

14. Laugh More

Especially at yourself.

(I literally just chuckled after writing the last line of #13)

15. Always Try

If I were to analyze myself (who am I kidding? I am ALWAYS analyzing myself), I’d say trying is my superpower.

I interact with a lot of people through teaching, blogging, and sharing on social media, and I am constantly surprised by how many people are hesitant to try things.

From someone asking if a recipe will work with a different ingredient to a student questioning what their computer is capable of, my response is always:

“TRY!”

What’s the worst that could happen?

Trying things is how we learn. If it works? Awesome! If it doesn’t? Lesson learned. Move on.

16. Do More of What Makes You Happy

I literally looked up from writing and saw the sign on my wall.

The Husband and I bought it a few years ago on one of our weekend trips, and I remind myself of this often.

17. Compromise Often

Well, I mentioned The Husband, and now it got me thinking about us.

Not only am I turning 50 this year, but we also celebrated 25 years of marriage this past spring. That means we have been together for a whopping 31 years.

Our marriage is not perfect.

I am not perfect.

He is NOT perfect. (lol)

But… We are committed to us. We are consistent. And we compromise. (#12 can be applied to a lot of things)

18. Shoot Low (Not a Typo)

This may seem contradictory to some of my previous thoughts, but for some reason (Damn, I lost the game), this song popped into my head:

Say it like you mean it
Say it like you mean it
‘Til you believe
‘Til you believe
You’re an ace in the hole
An ace in the hole
You ain’t been happy for about a year
Cause your expectations are way up here
Shoot low
Shoot low

That’s “Say It” by Houndmouth, and it’s one of my favorite songs because of those lyrics.

On the surface, “shoot low” sounds like the opposite advice I’ve already given, but hear me out.

I interpret this as not lowering our goals, but lowering our expectations.

There is a BIG difference.

When I look back at the times I have felt angry, disappointed, or frustrated, it’s usually because reality didn’t match my expectation.

When I let go of expectations, I free myself from disappointment and I can be more present. I enjoy what is actually happening instead of comparing it to some imaginary version of what I thought should happen.

This is a game changer for me, when I remember to do it.

19. WRITE IT DOWN!

I literally had a thought about what my next thought was going to be while writing the previous thought… and now I forgot.

I should know better by now.

My brain is constantly moving, and if I have an idea, I need to write it down because I will lose it.

20. Do it in the Moment.

This leads me to another major life philosophy, and it is probably one of the last things The Husband and I still argue about.

Just fucking do it.

Why do we put things off?

So many things require only a small amount of energy in the moment to accomplish: paying a bill when it comes in the mail, cleaning the dish after you use it, putting something away instead of leaving it for later.

I actually think it takes more energy to avoid those things. You have to remember they still need to be done, keep carrying them around in your brain, and eventually deal with a bigger pile of shit because we all know, life just keeps happening.

I’d much rather handle things as they come up than spend my mental energy remembering to do them later.

21. What Works for Me May Not Work For You

That said, I need you to know I am definitely not a “my way or the highway” type of person.

Mostly because I know quite a few successful people who do not function the way I do, and if I tried to do things their way, I don’t think I’d like it.

(BTW, this thought just inspired three more thoughts, which I immediately wrote down below.)

Anyway, I firmly believe in sharing life experiences so others can take what may resonate with them.

There is almost always more than one way to do something.

22. Make It Your Own

Learn from people. Ask questions. Credit them.

Then run with it in your own way.

You are your own special sauce.

23. Seek Help

This one took me a while to embrace because I learned at a very young age to depend on myself.

And honestly? That skill has served me well.

But as I’ve gotten older, I have realized there is a big difference between being independent and trying to do everything alone.

In my later years, I have sought out coaching in all sorts of ways, and it has been incredibly beneficial.

#22 above was inspired by my current Olympic lifting coach, who prescribes my exercises and then encourages me to make them my own. That combination of his knowledge and my creativity/flexibility has been incredibly powerful for me as an athlete.

24. Don’t be Afraid to Grow

Speaking of my coach, it reminded me of last year when I felt the need to find a new coach.

It was a really hard decision for me, but I realized I had grown. My goals changed. My needs changed.

You are the only person who can advocate for yourself.

25. Put Things in the Damn Calendar!

This one is in the same vein as #19 and #20 above, but considering my calendar notification just interrupted me, I thought I’d share it as well.

I had no idea what time it was until that notification went off, and I would have missed a call I scheduled with a friend otherwise.

Over the years, I have started putting more and more things in my calendar: birthdays, appointments, daily reminders, workouts, and anything else my brain shouldn’t have to remember on its own.

I try to reduce my mental load as much as possible.

26. Say Yes More Than No

Well, I just got off the phone with my friend, and it was exactly the boost I needed to keep writing.

At the end of our conversation, she asked if I would be interested in trying Toastmasters with her.

I don’t know much about it, but I immediately said yes!

First, if you are lucky enough to have people in your life who invite you to things, I think you should be willing to experience what matters to them.

Second, I often wonder why so many people seem hesitant to try new experiences (hello #15 above!). I mean, I guess it’s easier to stay comfortable, but I find life so much more interesting and fulfilling when I am actively experiencing things.

Is trying new things scary? Yes.

Does it cause anxiety? Yes.

Do I feel awkward? All. The. Time.

Do I do it anyway?

YES!

27. Do You Do This Too?

Okay, this one is also inspired by the conversation I just had because my friend does something I often do, and I have been calling myself out about it.

She said:

“You are probably not interested, but do you want to go try Toastmasters with me?”

Do you see what she did there?

How would she know if I’m interested or not?

Why do we do that?

Just ask. Say the thing!

28. Observation or Imagination?

And now that reminded me of a concept my Olympic lifting coach introduced to me. He called it “Notice-Imagine-Feel,” but just like I said in #22 above, I made it my own.

My version is:

Observation or Imagination?

Sometimes we observe something and immediately imagine an entire story about that observation.

For example, I notice my son is in a bad mood. (Observation)

Then my brain starts creating the story: Did something happen? Is he upset with me? Did he have a bad day at work?

When I actually ask him what is going on, it is almost never anything I imagined. He’s usually just tired.

I catch myself doing this more often than I would like to admit. When someone seems quiet or distracted, my go-to is to assume they are upset with me in some way.

Ohh that leads me to:

29. It’s Rarely About Me

That distracted friend. My moody son. An angry driver.

It’s rarely about me.

30. You Better or Them Bad?

My thoughts are turning into questions for some reason, so I’m just going to run with it. I just remembered a question I used to ask the kids when they were younger.

They would be having a conversation, and one of them wouldn’t know something the other did. It was always something harmless, like a pokemon character or some movie they saw.

And they would respond with:

“WHAT? You don’t KNOW blah blah blah?”

I do this too. I am not immune.

But when I heard the kids say it to each other, it always struck me how mean it sounded. So I would intervene and ask:

“Did you say it like that to make yourself feel better or make them feel bad?” Sometimes I don’t think we realize how our tone can affect other people.

31. Why Should I Eat That?

Well now, since I’m on the question kick and talking about the kids, another old gem popped into my head.

When the kids were little and I was trying to get them to try new foods or eat their dinner, I would always tell them there are three reasons why we eat:

1. It tastes good.
2. It’s good for us.
3. Or we are thanking the person who made it for us.

I’m not sure if they remember that lesson, but I do.

And (if you are a runner you may get this reference) this is about food. This is not about food. (Thank you Coach Bennett!)

Sometimes we do things because it brings us joy. Sometimes we do things because it’s good for us. And sometimes we do things to show appreciation.

32. Parents Have 2 Jobs

Okay, another parent memory just popped into my head.

When the kids were little, I used to tell them I only have two jobs:

1. Keep them safe.
2. Prepare them for the world.

That’s it.

Every parenting decision I made fell into one of those two categories. Was I trying to keep them safe? Or was I preparing them for the world?

When they were really young, most decisions were about keeping them safe. As they got older, it’s become more about preparing them for the world.

33. Confidence is Bully Kryptonite

I said this to my son when he was being bullied in school. I’m not sure it helped in the moment, but it stuck with me.

34. There Are 8,000,000,000 People in the World

It’s okay if a few of them don’t like you.

(I heard someone say that at a conference once and it has also stuck with me.)

35. Who Taught Who?

I’m not sure if I taught my kids. Or they taught me.

All I know is I would not be the person I am today without them.

36. Gratitude Rocks

It really does.

Sorry, I guess I am still in Mom mode here, but when the kids were little, we used to play a game called “Grateful” at dinner.

That’s what they called it, anyway.

We would go around the table, and everyone had to share something they were grateful for that day, no matter how trivial.

Looking back, I think that tradition helped me as much, if not more, than it helped them.

37. Sleep Is THAT Important

I fought this one for a really long time.

I come from a very “work hard, play hard” type of culture, and for a long time I believed the only way to do both was to not sleep. You know, burn the candle at both ends. Sleep when you’re dead. Yada Yada.

That was me. 100%

For about twenty years, I barely slept. I stayed up late and got up early because it felt like the only way to do all the things I wanted to do while still being an engaged parent.

And honestly?

I don’t regret those years because I was building a life I loved.

But looking back, I can also see that I was doing too much.

So, on that note…

I need to pause here and get some sleep.

Hopefully, I’ll finish the rest of these thoughts tomorrow.

38. Go with It

So, it’s the next morning, and if you think I slept straight through the night, you are surely mistaken.

Like clockwork, I woke up at 2:30 AM.

When I was younger, I would wake up, glance at the clock, realize I still had a few hours left, and fall right back asleep.

Not anymore. Thanks, perimenopause.

Now, I wake up, glance at the clock, and my brain immediately turns on.

The kids. Work. This post. The gym. What needs to happen tomorrow. What didn’t get done today? A conversation I had with The Husband. Whatever!

Meanwhile, I am lying there staring at the ceiling, listening to The Husband peacefully sleep breathe and feeling slightly jealous of his completely undramatic sleep habits.

So now, I go with it.

I get up and move to another room or sometimes the couch. I turn on the TV, find a cheesy horror movie or some true crime, get comfortable, and eventually doze back off.

And you know what?

It works for me.

I could spend hours fighting it, or I can accept what my body is doing and find a solution. This approach has increased how many hours I’m getting for sure and it is making a huge difference in my mood and recovery.

39. Creativity Matters

Something that popped into my head during last night’s 2 AM thought fest was Ethan Hawke. I love a lot of his insights, but this concept he shared in a TED talk lives rent free in my head:

...I think that most of us really want to offer the world something of quality, something that the world will consider good or important.

And that’s really the enemy, because it’s not up to us whether what we do is any good.

I highly recommend you watch this, it completely shifted the way I think about creativity.

Frankly, it’s one of the reasons I decided to go for it and write this post. You can see how he influenced me in #1 above.

40. People Tell On Themselves

I think a lot about conversations I’ve had with people who have different views than me.

I actually enjoy those conversations, especially when we can have them without anger or drama.

That said, I’ve come to realize that people often tell on themselves during discussions.

Of course, I do as well because I can see this in my own thought processes. When I make a snap judgment about someone, it is often because it’s something I’m worried about within myself.

I try to remmeber this about myself and the other person when I’m in discussions.

41. Anger Is No Fun

This popped into my head when I was writing #39.

Out of all my emotions, and listen, I am a pretty emotional person. I have been known to cry at commercials or tear up listening to certain songs in my car. The kids love to make fun of me for it and I laugh right along with them. (*cough* #14)

But the one emotion I work hardest to keep in check is anger.

It’s not that I don’t get angry. I absolutely do. I just don’t like the feeling of anger.

I would much rather approach situations calmly and thoughtfully than let anger take over.

So when I find myself getting angry, I now literally stop, take a few deep breaths, and try to approach whatever upset me from a different perspective. This often means walking away.

42. Notice Happy Signs

I guess this is the flip side to #41.

I work hard to keep anger in check, but I also make an effort to notice when I’m happy.

For example, I caught myself jamming out in the car the other day.

I’m talking windows down. Volume up. Wind blowing through my hair as I belted out songs on the highway.

And suddenly it hit me:

Wow… I’m really happy right now.

I noticed it.

Mostly because I stopped doing that for a really long time.

43. Self Awareness Works BOTH Ways

I don’t remember where I saw this or who said it, but this concept has stuck with me:

If the only things you notice about yourself are your shortcomings, that isn’t self-awareness. That’s self-criticism.

True self-awareness has to work both ways.

I’m already great at seeing my shortcomings. Owning my strengths is much harder.

44. Focus On Things You Like

There is one human behavior I simply do not understand.

Why do people spend so much energy interacting with things they don’t like?

I just don’t get it.

I don’t like country music (don’t hate me, I know), so guess what?

I don’t listen to country music.

I refuse to spend my time digesting content I hate or following people who make me angry.

I would much rather spend my energy on things that bring me joy.

I often wonder how much better the world would be if we all spent a little less time hate-watching and engaging with things that don’t resonate with us.

45. Keep Reality In Check

Damn. I just wrote #44 and here I go contradicting myself again.

I actually do consume online content I don’t agree with, mostly because I need the reminder that not everyone thinks the way I do.

That said, I rarely engage.

I take it in as information. A reminder, if you will.

There is a nuance here. The difference between exposing yourself to different perspectives versus spending energy fighting with everything you disagree with is key.

46. Holy Shit, I’m Doing It!

Literally the thought that popped into my head.

I’m actually going to hit 50 thoughts.

And I am having a blast dumping this out of my head and onto the page.

I really am a writer.

47. Hunger is Not an Emergency

This is something I used to say during my old dieting days, but it is still true and something I remind myself of often.

For me, it has become about so much more than avoiding food for the purpose of weight loss.

Now, I say it as a reminder that not every need has to be met immediately. There is a comfort that comes from being able to be uncomfortable.

I thought of this because I am currently hungry, and I will absolutely make myself something nourishing to eat when I am done writing.

48. It Will Get Done

I just said, “There is a comfort that comes from being able to be uncomfortable,” and now I want to expand on that because I think it goes beyond physical discomfort.

It is also about turning off my Type-A tendencies and allowing things to happen outside of my control.

For example, like many partnerships, The Husband and I used to argue about housekeeping.

I did more because my standard of clean was higher than his.

But eventually, I had to learn to be uncomfortable.

I realized one day that no one was asking me to do all of the things. I was doing them because I wanted them done a certain way and at a certain time.

Then I would get angry (see #41) when everyone else in the household didn’t match my energy or clean on my schedule.

I learned to let it go.

And when I did, something magical happened.

It got done.

It got done on their schedule, not mine, but it still got done.

49. My Parenting Goals

Going down the honesty route has not steered me wrong yet, so here is where I confess:

I welled up a little writing #48 because I immediately thought about the kids.

My boys are now 15 and 21, and the greatest lesson I have learned about parenting older kids is eerily similar to what I wrote above.

I have to let go.

I spent years keeping them safe and preparing them for the world. That was my job as their parent. Now I have to trust that I did that.

Now, all I want for them is to be independent and do things that make them happy.

That is literally it.

50. Let’s Fucking Go!

You are really getting unfiltered Roni here.

Shit… I just referred to myself in the third person.

I hate when people do that.

Anyway…

Here I am. About to turn 50 and enter this new stage of my life, and I am ready.

I am ready for new adventures. New friends. New experiences. I want to be unapologetically myself. I want to inspire and be inspired. I want to get stronger, learn more, and connect with as many like-minded people as I can.

Most importantly, I want to grow old with no regrets and make the next chapters of my life an adventure worth living.

Let’s fucking go!