So all that content-ness I mentioned in my last post…
I’m not sure what happened, but I’m a MESS right now. Why do my emotions teeter-totter so friggin’ much when my life is so stable at the moment?
Every day I wake up at 5 a.m. and sneak out of my house in the dark when everyone’s asleep to head to the gym. This habit is so ingrained now I feel lost on the days I don’t do it.
Meeting a group of friends there, I lift, laugh and sweat with them every morning. I don’t think they realize how important it is for me to start my day alongside them but it is. I’m so grateful for their stability and encouragement.
After about an hour and a half workout, I rush home to the kids and help with breakfast before getting myself ready and shuttling them off to school.
I enjoy a smoothie on my 35-minute commute to work and listen to music or a podcast to ward off the road rage that’s bound to happen driving across Baltimore City.
Most days I park in the same spot in the parking garage on my campus. I take the long stroll up and down a couple of flights of stairs before getting to my office where my new office mate usually is waiting for me. I’m so grateful to have a company at work now. I was flying solo for a few months, and it was lonely.
For the most part, the mornings are predictable and comforting. I like the consistent schedule and routine. It’s one of the reasons I wanted to return to a more traditional job. Speaking of, Wednesday was my one year anniversary of going back to work. I can’t believe it.
Throughout the day my job varies from an overabundance of meetings, responding to people’s help requests and developing course materials. All of which I enjoy — some things more than others, of course, but I can’t complain.
I try to leave the office a little before rush hour hits and fail miserably pretty much every day. When I get home the house is usually a mess, the 6-year-old is watching TV, The 12-Year-Old is on the Xbox, and The Husband is trying to wrap up a project in his office.
One of us starts dinner around 5:30 or 6 p.m. At one time (not that long ago) that person would have always been me, but thanks to all these newfangled dinners in a box services The Husband has gotten over his fear of cooking. We also make the 12-Year-Old help at least one night a week, and my plan is for him to take over one meal entirely in the next few months.
After dinner sometimes we clean up. Sometimes we don’t. Most days we play at least one game together as a family. Our current obsessions are One Night Ultimate Werewolf, 5-Second Rule, and BS — have you seen a 6-year-old try to lie about what cards he’s placing down? It’s hysterical!
By 8 p.m. I’m done. The Husband reads a story and puts the 6-Year-Old to bed. The 12-Year-Old gets a little more Xbox time in with his friends. And I get ready for the next day making lunches and preparing my smoothie ingredients for the morning.
I try to be in bed by 9 p.m. because 5 a.m. comes around awfully quick, but it doesn’t always happen. Actually, it rarely happens, 9:30 is a bit more realistic.
This is my life day-after-day, and by Friday I’m so grateful for the break in the routine I swear I love so much, I text The Husband randomly telling him how excited I am that we can stay up a little later to hang out and talk.
Most days I’m able to hold on to my content feelings, but there are times the comfort of the routine doesn’t drown out my inner anxiety-ridden voice.
Today was one of those days. I found myself nearly on the verge of tears in the afternoon for no reason I could remotely try to explain to you.
I usually reach out to others to connect when this happens. I find comfort in engaging with people but had no one to interact with. So I turned to social media. BIG mistake. It simply does not bring me joy like it once did.
That’s when it hit me.
I could write!
So here I am.
I don’t have anything of any importance to share. I’m just trying to get out of my head and connect.
I think writing is something I need to do a bit more of. There have been a few times these last few weeks I’ve been compelled to blog and share but I talk myself out for some reason which is silly. I feel better already.