I started this post 3 separate times. Each attempt began with a sentence or two about how I’ve been feeling off lately, but after a few minutes I’d just sit and stare at the keyboard. It felt impossible to find the right words. At one point I decided to just ignore the black cloud over my head and share all the happy stuff, but as I typed, it seemed disingenuous and I lost all motivation.
Truth be told, all is great in my neck of the woods. The kids are good except when they aren’t, of course, but I really have no complaints. The Husband is, The Husband. We’re still pretty much in that good place I talked about a few posts ago. I really do think the kids being out of that preschool age has been good for us. Our family dynamic just works now. Each of us has a unique and distinct relationship with each other and together we “work” as a team. We all just get along, minus a few moments when we’re not, as I’m sure every family has. I mean, we’re talking about raising kids here. It’s not all sunshine and rainbows.
Taking the kids totally out of the equation, The Husband and I have an awesome new tradition that’s been helping us reconnect in a new fun way. He’s finally figured out cooking is actually fun and we’ve become obsessed with making a from-scratch meal paired with a from-scratch cocktail on Fridays.
I call it our in-house date night and we’ve done it three times so far.
Our first one was this amazing burger paired with a local beer.
When we got our hands on this cocktail book we decided to not only make dinner but pair it with a fun drink.
Our second night was Pasta Aglio Olio paired with homemade whiskey sours.
Again inspired by Binging with Babish — The Husband is obsessed. This man has no idea how much he has positively influenced my life and no, not The Husband. I mean Babish!
This past weekend we did Ziggy Marley’s Jerk Chicken paired with homemade Mai Tais.
We are really having fun with this. Some days I take the lead on the cooking, some days he does, but we both help and we do it together.
My inner, old-school-blogger wants to come up with a domain name and start a new blog just to document these nights and share the recipes. I know. I’m crazy. It’s just how I’m wired.
But seriously, how much fun would that be? We could even include an old movie and review it.
Ha! Now I can’t get the thought out of my head. I actually just went and researched domain names.
It’s a disease.
Anyway… with the family and marriage in a good place, I turn to work. Also great. My job is challenging me in completely different ways than anything I’ve ever done. It’s a little rough being the new kid on the block at my age especially with a career shift but you guys know me. I’m never one to shy away from a challenge. Plus, I love that I’m learning a whole new skill set. I feel relevant and useful again.
I know. I know. I probably shouldn’t tie my identity and part of my happiness on something external like a job, but truth be told, I’m a worker bee. I actually enjoy working. It gives me a sense of purpose. And after working for myself for 8 years it’s nice to be told what to do now and then. I’m sure I’ll get over it, but for right now, I welcome the structure.
Okay, so family… great. Marriage… great. Job… great.
Why do I feel not so great?!
On the exercise front, I’m still killing it with the a.m. workouts. I lift M-W-F, run T-Th and do at least one active thing on the weekend. Last week (on Mother’s Day) it was a 6-mile bike ride with this guy.
(Yes, we forgot our helmets. Yes, I know how dangerous it is. Yes, yes, I’m a horrible mother.)
On the financial front, having a second steady income and a second source of benefits is reassuring and takes a little pressure off both The Husband and me.
On the social front, I don’t see some of my friends as much as I like but in this day and age it’s easy to stay in touch. Three days a week I’m hanging out with my old gym peeps in the morning again and I’ve been reminded how important it is for me to have those social connections.
See, even more great!
Now I’m at the point of the post when I need to describe my feelings again and guess what I’m doing.
Staring at the keyboard.
Things are great. Really!
I’m just a hormonal mess and it makes everything not so great. I know that’s taboo and we’re not supposed to talk about these things but it’s also biology and I’m more tired, more irritable and more depressed than I have ever been before — yay, perimenopause!
I made a doctor’s appointment today because the emotional side is only half of it. Physically, I’m a mess too and it’s only been getting worse. Let’s just say — possibly TMI here — my fairly calm bubbling brook has turned into a raging river that seems to be fed by an endless ocean and I’m drowning. Life preserver after life preserver keep failing me. I also have 2-3 day long mild headaches and there have been a few times I’ve felt so light headed I thought I was going to faint.
I really don’t want to admit it’s happening but every month it’s getting worse to the point I can’t just ignore it and push through.
There you have it. Just a life update letting you know everything is great, except it isn’t.
(It did feel good to blog all this. I should write more, not less. It would probably help.)