Thursday Thoughts: Rabbit Holes

According to Google, one definition of rabbit holes refers to a bizarre, confusing, or nonsensical situation or environment, typically one from which it is difficult to extricate oneself.

My co-worker jokingly hung this on the bulletin board in my office because I’m always saying everything at work leads down a rabbit hole.

An email question will have me researching answers. A phone call leads to a dive into our database. Someone stops by my office and all of a sudden I’m debugging some strange website problem. There never seems to be a simple answer to anything.

It’s funny. I remember having a conversation with my Grandmother when she was in her 80s and I asked her what the worse part of getting old was. She said, “Everything seems to take so much more time when you’re old!” And that’s how I feel. I mean I know I’m not “old” but I see what she meant. Even the smallest task ends up to be a giant time suck.

Maybe it’s just me. Who knows?

Anyway, here’s this week’s thoughts — also known as my current rabbit holes.

First, I finally got my butt into the medical imaging center and had an ultrasound. My doctor ordered one to see if there was anything specific causing my monthly nightmare. Now, I’ve always had fibroids. I’ve known this since 2006 when I was denied medical coverage for them. Most women have them (I think it’s like 70%) and they are normally benign. Mine, apparently, have grown “significantly” in the past 2 years. My doctor asked me to come in to discuss and I have an appointment in a couple of weeks.

On one hand, I’m happy to finally have some answers for my damn near constant back pain and cramping. On the other hand, this is a rabbit hole I really don’t want to go down as I know it’s going to lead to surgery of some sort and that’s never fun.

Since I’m in the medical rabbit hole let’s stay down here for awhile. I’ve never talked about this because I never knew what it really was but for the past few years, I’ve been dealing with a lot of discolorization on my forehead.


The photo really doesn’t capture it totally. It’s a really blotchy, non-uniform tanned area that  always gets worse in the summer but is present year round.

It’s called melasma and it’s caused by hormonal changes which — shocker — can also cause fibroids to grow. So again, on one hand, I’m happy to know I’m not crazy and that there is definitely something up with me in the hormone department. On the other hand, really?! Like getting older and wrinkles aren’t enough, I’ll be dealing with dark blotches for the rest of my life because everything I’ve read says it will never go away fully.

I decided to start a skin care regimen to see if it will help lighten them a little since it’s pretty bad at the moment. I’ve been the butt of many family jokes since our beach week. It’s all in fun and I’m the first one to laugh at myself but I would really rather not be blotchy forehead lady. So in the morning, I’m now using a 20% Vitamin C & E Serum With Hyaluronic Acid (this one specifically). I’ve been using a straight up vitamin C for a few months now and love how it makes my skin feel but I read that hyaluronic acid is a good treatment for melasma so I thought I’d give this one a try.

After it dries I put on a layer of tinted zinc oxide sunscreen. I’m lucky that this one is pretty close to my skin tone anyway so it’s kind of like makeup, but not really.

I used this the entire time I was in Mexico and never burned. You do need to be fairly light skinned, however, as it can create that ghost look as most zinc oxide products do.

At night I’m starting to use this brightening serum. I can’t lie, my nighttime face routine has been pretty non-existent my entire life. I’ve always been one of those people to just fall asleep in my clothes and makeup.

I don’t wear much makeup these days but I’m still a strip-down-and-plop-myself-in-bed kind of person. That is if I don’t fall asleep on the couch first.

I’m intrigued to see if these things help lighten the patches but if they don’t, well, thankfully I have the perfect hairstyle for a blotchy forehead.

The Husband and I joke about this, too.

Moving on to an annoying rabbit hole I refuse to go down. If you’ve commented recently and don’t you see it appear on the site that’s because I’m getting massively attacked by spam comments and now my spam checker is not let anything through. Some of my older posts are getting hit with 1-2k a day. It’s ridiculous. I’ve checked the settings but I can’t figure out why valid comments are even getting blocked now. I simply don’t have the energy to figure it out.

My solution, for now, is to check my latest posts when I log on and manually approve the comments that are actually coherent. I may have missed a few and I’m sorry.  A few people emailed me wondering why I blocked them. I haven’t. I promise.

Let’s see, the only other thing I think I can mention is MyFitnessPal. I’ve decided to start food journaling again. This is another rabbit hole of sorts for me. On one hand, I’ve sworn off being controlled by numbers whether it be my weight, calories, points, or macros. I just don’t care anymore. On the other hand, I feel the need to have a bit more accountability lately. My nighttime snacking is out of control. I haven’t been doing as good of a job controlling my environment. I’m surrounded by more and more trigger foods now that the kids are getting older. It’s hard balancing the food interests of 4 people in the house, and as the kids grow up that’s what’s happening.  It also doesn’t help that The Husband is the biggest kid of them all. His overall diet has been getting better through the years but he still mostly eats like a college kid with all his eating out and convenience packaged food items.

Anyway, here’s today’s journal. It was a weird day. I got busy at work and didn’t eat my leftovers for lunch until like 3 p.m. but I was still hungry when I got home so I was ecstatic to see The Husband cooking when walked through the door. I love the fact that the Hello Fresh meals are in the database. It makes it so much easier to track!

5 comments On Thursday Thoughts: Rabbit Holes

  • We’re around the same age and I also have melasma. I eventually decided to see a dermatologist and was prescribed a cream that worked wonders on my dark patches! So that’s an option too 🙂

  • Love to hear your all-subjects updates! I have those blotches too, except they’re on my neck and chin, can only hide ’em with makeup. I’ve had ’em since pregnant with my boy in 2005. Boo!

  • I’m not sure I’ve ever commented (maybe to express my happiness about how you make your hard-boiled eggs – it was the only way I could make them for a long time to come out perfect …now I have an Instant Pot which is so much better)…but in any case, I wanted to comment on the melasma. I started developing those brown spots probably in my mid to late 30s. They would always get worse in the summer and I wasn’t always diligent about wearing sunscreen, which I’m sure didn’t help. My dermatologist said there is really nothing you can do about it. There are prescription lightening creams, but they aren’t very effective. She told me to always wear sunscreen or a hat while being outside. So that’s what I’ve been doing. I’m now almost 43 and no new spots, but I still have a large one. If I’m outside without sunscreen or a hat, the spots come out in full force. Just my two cents (for whatever it’s worth). I didn’t realize they were tied to fibroids though, but thought there was a correlation between hormones and the spots, so maybe it’s just all tied in together somehow. My dermatologist recommended the La Roche-Posay Anthelios sunscreen. It’s expensive, but I swear it’s kept my melasma from getting worse. Good luck! I’d be interested to hear how your new regime works out and the Vitamin C&E worked for you.

  • Ugh, fibroids! I tried watchful waiting for years, dealing with a period that was like turning on a spigot for a day or two per month. Like, there is no tampon or pad made that could handle that, so many embarrassing situations! Then I investigated every option other than hysterectomy, but my fibroids were such that they couldn’t be done, or it wouldn’t work well. I had memories of my mother’s abdominal hysterectomy, so I fought so hard not to have one, but finally gave in and had it(the vaginal version) six years ago, at age 49. Good riddance fibroids!

  • I have to say, I was definitely not expecting to have perimenopause symptoms this early. And it sucks. I’m ready to break on through to the other side and be done with it.

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