I’m trying so hard not to let stress, anxiety, and fear of change push me back into my old, unhealthy cycles and thought processes but it’s not working.
Every day starts at the gym, like normal. I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again, the gym is the only place I feel free. I have no responsibilities there. I pick things up, put them down and, umm, that’s about it. Training is the one area of my life right at the moment. All I have to do is show up, and I do. I want to.
I also want to inspire my family to move more, and I’m happy to report that the Noone Family Run Streak is still going strong. We are 16 days into running just about a half a mile every day. I am so proud of the Husband. I never thought in a million years I’d ever get him to run, let alone run WITH him but here we are! And the kids are embracing it as well. The 6-Year-Old is quite impressive with his energetic gate, and endless energy. The 12-Year-Old has stuck with it despite every ounce of his being telling him not to. We’ve overcome quite a few challenges the last two weeks to keep the streak, and I can only hope this is teaching them multiple lessons in commitment, perseverance, and teamwork.
So I’ve got the whole exercise thing squarely nailed down. I’m killing it in the moving-my-body department, and I feel really good about it.
However, every other aspect of my life feels completely out of control.
I’m in the final week of work at my current job, and frankly, I can’t wait until my last day. There are so many variables that led to my decision to leave this organization and every day those reasons are validated in bigger and worse ways. I’m thankful there is an end in sight, but it doesn’t help the anxiety I feel going to work every day.
I’ve also started stressing about the surgery more. My symptoms seem to be magnifying, and I’m somewhat relieved there could be an end in sight, but I’m worried. Am I trading the devil I know for the one I don’t? Plus, knowing all the great things I started this blog post with are going to come to a complete halt has me a little depressed. Recover is making me nervous.
How am I dealing with all this unknown?
Ugh. Even typing it out I get angry with myself because I should know better. Food is not the answer. It never actually makes me feel better. Yet, I still seem to end almost every day with some mindless eating (usually junk) after promising myself that morning I wouldn’t.
Tonight I decided enough was enough and here I am. The only way I know how to end negative cycles is to face them head-on. If blogging has taught me anything, it’s the power of being honest with myself. I need to celebrate the positive and NOT run away from the negative.
So you may be hearing from me more frequently. Writing is the only way I know how to do this.