Consciously Ending Negative Cycles

I’m trying so hard not to let stress, anxiety, and fear of change push me back into my old, unhealthy cycles and thought processes but it’s not working.

Every day starts at the gym, like normal. I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again, the gym is the only place I feel free. I have no responsibilities there. I pick things up, put them down and, umm, that’s about it.  Training is the one area of my life right at the moment. All I have to do is show up, and I do. I want to.

I also want to inspire my family to move more, and I’m happy to report that the Noone Family Run Streak is still going strong. We are 16 days into running just about a half a mile every day. I am so proud of the Husband. I never thought in a million years I’d ever get him to run, let alone run WITH him but here we are! And the kids are embracing it as well. The 6-Year-Old is quite impressive with his energetic gate, and endless energy. The 12-Year-Old has stuck with it despite every ounce of his being telling him not to. We’ve overcome quite a few challenges the last two weeks to keep the streak, and I can only hope this is teaching them multiple lessons in commitment, perseverance, and teamwork.

So I’ve got the whole exercise thing squarely nailed down. I’m killing it in the moving-my-body department, and I feel really good about it.

However, every other aspect of my life feels completely out of control.

I’m in the final week of work at my current job, and frankly, I can’t wait until my last day. There are so many variables that led to my decision to leave this organization and every day those reasons are validated in bigger and worse ways. I’m thankful there is an end in sight, but it doesn’t help the anxiety I feel going to work every day.

I’ve also started stressing about the surgery more. My symptoms seem to be magnifying, and I’m somewhat relieved there could be an end in sight, but I’m worried. Am I trading the devil I know for the one I don’t? Plus, knowing all the great things I started this blog post with are going to come to a complete halt has me a little depressed. Recover is making me nervous.

How am I dealing with all this unknown?


Of course.

Ugh. Even typing it out I get angry with myself because I should know better. Food is not the answer. It never actually makes me feel better. Yet, I still seem to end almost every day with some mindless eating (usually junk) after promising myself that morning I wouldn’t.

Tonight I decided enough was enough and here I am.  The only way I know how to end negative cycles is to face them head-on. If blogging has taught me anything, it’s the power of being honest with myself. I need to celebrate the positive and NOT run away from the negative.

So you may be hearing from me more frequently. Writing is the only way I know how to do this.

9 comments On Consciously Ending Negative Cycles

  • Yes, yes, write more, lots more, and frequently:) It’s stressful, surgery, recovery, axing your job, halting the blog, Family, etc.
    I have a take on what’s happening to you, how you might mitigate it; but only if you want to hear it! Just reply.
    Just an obvious note however:
    You shouldn’t even be concerned about recovery, because you have become so strong with an awesome metabolism rehab will only be a matter of time. Also, doctors love to operate on patients with little fat and great muscle tone, everything is more obvious and where it should be, they also say these patients recover the fastest as well (corroborated from my doctor and lifelong friend from University).
    I’m rooting for you:)

  • It’s great that you are addressing your issue with food stress eating but my suggestion is to not be so hard on yourself. If you add more stress by worrying regarding the stress eating, I am not sure it would improve things – I know for me it doesnt. MY one main strategy is saying to myself, what would a healthy person do in this regard (e.g. eat more, eat a burger, eat more in front of the TV, etc.). Surgery is stressful, and think many would eract the same or worse, but reading what your surgery is for, I just wanted to say that from my understanding it is a common operation (so you shouldnt worry about safety in that regard). I am only just starting my actual healthier lifestyle change, so maybe this just applies to me.

    I am starting to use blogging as a way to reflect as well, and busy with looking at my issue of focusing on instant gratification, so its good to hear that others find the same mechanism.

    The one thing is that the surgery will force you to rest a bit, and maybe that will help with the fresh start at the new job.

  • Hang in there Roni… can do this girl!
    I am praying for you.

  • You’ll do great with surgery! Mine was 2 years ago, and while a couple of things have changed since surgery, they’re all much better than the many issues I had before! Food is always my go-to, it’s a life long struggle that I’ll always be working on. Praying for you, it will be great!

  • Thank you for sharing this. I am having the same experience this week – mindless eating due to stress. I hope the next few weeks are better for both of us!

  • Roni,

    Remember, fear lives in the future. It is not reality. Have faith in the unknown.

  • I’m the same. Lost lots of weight, got fit, slowly let weight creep on a bit BUT I’m still fit. That is a HUGE difference.
    I have no idea why I still eat mindlessly at night. “Munching” feels like some sort of addiction. As soon as I start to relax in the evenings (which I know I deserve), I want to eat. I need to separate the two “rewards” but that’s easier said than done.
    Your job will be over soon – one less source of stress.
    Don’t beat yourself up about anything just now: you have a lot of external pressures; don’t add internal struggles!
    Karen (Scotland)

  • Your recovery from surgery will be just a blip in the rearview in a pretty short timeframe. I had the surgery several years ago, and while it took me longer than I thought it would to be able to go back to work, but I was running 10 days later, and back to my regular training schedule within 4 weeks (I went back to my training log to make sure I was remembering it right). My doctor said that physical activity helps with healing, and I took her word for it!

    My quality of life is so much better minus those fibroids!

  • I posted to you on FB, but here’s more detail that might help you out. I had a hysterectomy (kept both ovaries) for fibroids and had to get a vertical abdominal incision up to my navel. I was back to the gym with no restrictions within 5 weeks. Not sure if you’re having something as invasive, but I recommend strengthing your core starting now for faster ab recovery afterwards. Also, walk every day after surgery. I was up to 2 miles, albeit slow ones, within a week. I’m 44 and pretty fit, but no Ironman or anything! Just use this as an opportunity to get super fit going into surgery. You’ll be fine. Check out Hystersisters for additional questions and support afterwards. I have no regrets, everything works better than ever!

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